There are times when I feel so blessed and thankful to God. I get feelings of gratitude. Genuinely, blessed for genuine reasons. I feel so positive that I want to start many new activities at that time. Like, few days back, I was thinking to start a gratitude journal.
I would want to write affirmations on few days. I would want to keep smiling and ofcourse I feel happy at that time.
But then, there are times, when I feel so shattered. Is this life? I ask myself. I get so many Whys and Hows to which there are no definite answers. Every relation feels superficial except my parents’ love for me. “You don’t get everything in life”.
I have heard this many times. May be I would have said the same to someone myself. It’s easier said than to understand and console oneself. I feel like I have taken few wrong decisions in life. But then, I think, may be these are my KARMAS. No one can escape the outcome of their bad Karmas. I want to tell myself “grow up girl. Welcome to life. Being the youngest in family does not mean, you’ll be the sweetheart to all forever. Be confident and just grow up”.
At times I feel what have I earned in life. What have I done to be loved and remembered. Relations you get, friends you earn, they say. I don’t even have genuine friends who would come to me when I would be in trouble. (Except 1,may be). I feel so envious when I see those pictures of people with their friends and family on social media.
I was always an under confident, shy and an introvert child. A bit depressed as well. I never felt beautiful. I never truly enjoyed my childhood and teenage.
No one told me you are beautiful. No one told me to have confidence. No one told me to enjoy without worrying about anything. No one told me, you are not less than anyone. I want to relive my life and do all the corrections. At times, I want to runaway and go far and live with my parents and my daughter. Away from people who bring negativity in my life. I have heard people say to avoid negative people. But, it’s not feasible in every situation. There are few people who are there, just there. You can’t avoid them. You can’t run away from them.
I am over flowing with emotions today. I’ll motivate myself to start a new day from tomorrow with a positive mind set. Let’s see, for how many days that’ll sustain. It’s a continuous & hard process to stay positive and insane.
May God bless us all 🙏